Hope Lives in Connection

Tiffanie Trudeau
Sep 27
4 min read

Why presence matters more than perfect words

September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. Each year, we see more intentional conversations around suicide, suicidality, and suicidal ideation. This is an important focus, because the truth is, far more people struggle with these thoughts in silence than many realize.

Much of the conversation this month centers on knowing the signs and pointing people toward resources. That’s valuable and necessary. But it’s only part of the picture. The bigger question many people wrestle with is this:

What do I do if someone I know, a friend, a family member, a coworker, shares that they’re struggling with thoughts of suicide?

For those who aren’t mental health professionals, it can feel paralyzing. Fear, confusion, and a heavy sense of responsibility often rise to the surface. We wonder: What if I say the wrong thing? What if I can’t fix it? What if I fail them?

Listening Between the Lines

Not everyone who is thinking about suicide will say the words directly. Instead, they may give quiet confessions through statements like:

“I’m so tired.”
“I can’t keep doing this.”
“This is never going to get better.”

These phrases could reflect general struggle, or they could carry a deeper weight, a longing for the pain to stop permanently. Suicide, for many, is not about wanting to die but about wanting the suffering to end.

If you hear despair, hopelessness, or finality behind someone’s words, even if your voice shakes, lean in. Ask directly:

“Are you thinking about suicide?”
“Are you wishing you could go to sleep and not wake up?”
“Are you having thoughts of ending your life?”

Directness can feel terrifying, but it can also be profoundly life-giving. Naming what is unspoken breaks the isolation.

Your Role: Holding, Not Fixing

If someone shares suicidal thoughts with you, remember this: they are not coming to you for a solution. They are coming to be seen, heard, and held. Your role is not to be the hero who fixes everything but the presence who listens without judgment.

That can look like:

Allowing them to speak freely without rushing in to “correct” their feelings.
Staying curious and compassionate: “When do these thoughts feel strongest?” or “What has helped you cope before?”
Validating their courage in speaking up.

It’s natural to feel fear when someone you love discloses suicidal thoughts. That fear is valid. But try to contain it so you can stay present with them. What they need most in that moment is not your panic but your presence.

What Not to Say

In an effort to comfort, many respond with statements like:

“But you’re so loved.”
“You have so much to live for.”
“Think about how sad your family would be.”

Though well-intentioned, these responses can unintentionally create shame or guilt. They may make the person feel dismissed or judged for even having those thoughts. Instead, anchor your response in empathy: “I hear how much you’re hurting. Thank you for trusting me with this.”

Building Resilience Before Crisis

Prevention isn’t only about intervention in moments of crisis. It’s also about building emotional resilience. Skills like emotional awareness, tolerance, and regulation give people a greater ability to weather painful experiences without resorting to permanent solutions. Resilience means teaching that emotions, be it sadness, anger, fear, or disappointment, are valid messengers. Even when they’re messy. It means practicing self-compassion, so that when struggles arise, people can meet themselves with kindness rather than shame.

When Faith and Struggle Intersect

For people in faith communities, talking openly about suicidality can be especially complicated. Sometimes silence, judgment, or spiritual bypassing creates additional barriers. Hearing “just pray about it,” or “cast your anxieties on the Lord” may be offered with care, but without compassion and relational depth, these responses can shut down vulnerability.

Faith can absolutely be a protective factor. Prayer and spiritual practices can bring comfort and strength. But we must also ask: How does this faith manifest in action, in real-time support, in walking alongside someone through their pain?

Gentle reminder

At the end of the day, suicide prevention isn’t about being the hero with the perfect solution. It’s about being willing to sit with someone in their darkness, without rushing them into the light.

Sometimes the most powerful words you can offer are: “I’m here. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

If you or someone you love is strugglingYou don’t have to carry it alone. Reaching out for help can feel hard, but support is out there, 24/7:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) – Call or text 988 anytime to connect with trained counselors.
Crisis Text Line – Text HELLO to 741741 for support via text.
The Trevor Project (LGBTQIA+ youth) – Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678.
Veterans Crisis Line – Dial 988 then press 1, or text 838255.
NAMI HelpLine – Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) for information and support.
Outside the U.S. – Find international hotlines at findahelpline.com.